Friday, October 16, 2009
Fear. Madness. Salvation? None.
Never did i think that the fear of death would finally get to me. After the recent major accident, that i had, i've been having second thoughts about riding a bike. Whenever i ride it, ive been going slow. Real slow. Like 70km/h on an expressway, etc. I do not want to relive that experience again. Those emotions i felt, thinking that my time was up.
Nevertheless, to give up riding entirely would be a waste. Having a bike licence as well as a bike itself and not riding it would be plain dumb. So i plan to slowly build up my confidence back. Back to when i was daring enough to ride at 100km/h on the expressways. On a rainy day.
Work. Let's talk about work. Ever since i came back from my month long MC, work has been hell for me. So much was not done, i had to update myself on what's been going on. And i had to undo all the wrong and make it right. But i blame no one though. Cos i know my platoon is short of manpower. By manpower, i mean transport leaders.
You see, in Khatib's mt line, there is supposed to be 3 platoons. Each platoons is supposed to have one Platoon Commander(PC), one Platoon Warrant Officer, one Platoon Seargeant(PS) and 3 Section Commanders i.e. Transport Supervisors like myself. Only the Platoon Warrants, PS and Sect Comms does the bulk of the work, mainly involving ground work, to support the platoon.
However, the current platoon structures are as such
Starting off with Platoon 2, they have 1 PC, 1 Platoon Warrant, 1 PS and 2 Tpt Supervisors, with 1 driver internally promoted to the role of Sect Comm.
As for Platoon 3, they have 2 PCs, 1 Platoon Warrant, 1 PS and 2 Tpt Supervisors, both of whom are of 3rd Seargeant rank.
Now look at my Platoon, Platoon 1. We have 1 PC, 1 PS and only 1 Tpt Supervisor. Although we also have 1 driver assuming the role of Sect Comm, he himself has details and overseas exercises to go to for his appointment is still after all, a driver. And like i said, the Platoon Warrant, PS and Tpt Supervisors does the bulk of the platoon work. By platoon work, i mean work like monitoring your men, monitoring your vehicle fleet, in which for my platoon, there's a total of 118 vehicles in all. And for each of this vehicles, we have to ensure that their Unit Quaterly Maintainence(UQM) and Annual Vehicle Inspection(AVI) are being followed up to prevent any lapses. We also have some other shitty adhoc jobs to do which i shan't mention here.
Now tell me, is it possible for a group of only 3 men handle such a workload? A workload where other platoons here have at least 4 guys to spread them out with. And do note that my platoon warrant is getting posted out overseas in the beginning of december. The end of platoon 1 is imminent.
Oh, did i mention that during my absence, more than half of our vehicle fleet have lapses in UQM and AVI?
Never have i ever felt stressed up my entire life. I'm at the brink of going mad. Been talkng to myself alot. Forgetting stuff. Important stuff. Walking around not remembering what was i doing or what was i going to do. Babbling stuff that didnt make sense every now and then. Either the accident has shaken me up a bit or my work life is starting to get to me.
And all these for only 400 bucks a mth?? Not worth it at all.
Perhaps taking some medications will help. Been put on alot of medicines lately. First for the accident last month. And now for the wisdom tooth which i extracted earlier this week. It was done as part of the requirement to pass my overseas posting dental ffi. Yup, my overseas posting is still on despite the absence of any confirmation so far. Also, all chance of me going for month-long overseas exercises has been permanently block due to my "reserve" status for overseas posting.
Like..double-you tee eff, mate?
So anyway, perhaps its time for me to turn to these medications for help. They have been helpful in calming me down recently. I need to calm down more. Calm my nerves down from all these stresses in life. I wish to escape, to run away from it all.
I wish i can ORD right now...
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